We got home from Washington on Monday morning at 2:00 AM.
A little shy of three days.
Monday at work was a blurrrrr.
I hope I didn't make any important decisions.
Tuesday was typical.
I often refer to my job as adult day care.
I sat and listened to a good employee explain how stressful his job had been lately, and thought, "what a whiner". I wondered if he had even the slightest inkling of an idea about what real stress is.
I so much wanted to tell him that all he realy needed to do on a weekly basis is show up, do his job, and collect his check.
He had no idea that I was suffering from serious jet lag, and I wanted nothing more than to tell him to stop bitching and get out of my face before I came around the desk and grabbed him by his throat and chocked the stress out of him.
But suddenly a vision of the HR manager popped into my head, and I sat there and stared at him, not hearing a word he was saying.
I did what any manager would do, and told him how much I appreciated his efforts, and that things would be better. I've received many heart warming emails from friends and acquaintances since we got home from WA.
I've spent every evening reading, and responding.
I've spent a lot of time letting out the pent up anxiety. sometimes ranting, sometimes quiety and sometimes openly weeping.
I grew up with a step father who showed his emotions only on the night that his mother passed away.
And so I never knew how to show my emotions.
Or even that it was alright.
It's all new to my wife, and quite upsetting for her I'm sure.
She is a sweet heart, and the love of my life.
Tonight she made the observation that since we've been home I've been, "tourchering myself," by reading blogs, and emails.
I think of it more as therapy.
I've kept all of this pent up inside for fourteen months wanting to be the strong one. The pillar of strength for her and Matt's two older brothers.
I never wanted them to see my fear that he was in danger, and might not come home.
And once I've released the deamons I'll be able to relax.