Thursday, February 1, 2007

Dubious Distinction interview Offer

I was overwhelmed this evenig to open my mail and find an invite from Mr. Joe Blogs,,
Asking me to take part in his exclusive interview.
Of course I didn't let on as to just how honoured I was that he asked.
I think If I play my cards right this could be my ticket to the presidency.
With the backing of someone as influential as him, who knows what this could lead to?
Of course, him being a Brit, it's hard to tell if I can count on him.
Their such a wishy washy lot!! And so proper!!
Any way, I really want the dubious distinction of being interview # 69, so if I hold out for the right numbers, I just might get it.
Anyway, here's a copy of the invite.

Hi,I nocticed a comment you left.(check out the way he spelled notice, must be the british spelling, what do they know about english anyway), I wondered if you wanted to take part in an interview to highlight your site.(highlight my site, how cute, he doesn't realize that I don't have a site, just this pitiful excuse of a blog), My blog is
The brits sure have a charming way with words!!
And my answer,
Hi ****, {I've **** Matts name to protect the innocent}
Funny story, I have a great friend named ****notice how I starred out Matt again, wouldn't want to give a name out, what with all the stalkers here in cyber space you know!! Clark.(The **** Clark I know must spell his name wrong? What a dumby) Well maybe it's not all that funny, at least maybe a tee hee hee kind of funny, but certainly not a gut wrenching laugh till you blow milk out your nose kind of funny.Small world ay. (I don't know much Canadien)
What, from any comment I may have left, lead you to believe that I might be in any way interested in partaking in your interview??(not that I don't think it's a great thing). Or that I might be mentally competent to do so??
Was it something I said?
I'm really kind of busy right now. I'm announcing my feasibility study to see if it would be feasible, {hence the feasibility part} for me to run for president. I hope to launch this tomorrow, fittingly on groundhog day, ground hogs are my favorite animal, well maybe not favorite, but I do like them, they make wonderful pets, I'm making that up, except for the part about liking them!! Though they're actually not really all that wonderful either. Farmers loath them, many a cow has taken a nasty spill from stepping in their holes, cows are wonderful animals, cuddly, though they smell rather peculiar, and their tong is awful rough. ( I don't know why people choose to eat it?) (tongue that is!) Cow's are pretty good eating if you ask me. I wouldn't recommend eating a ground hog though, their rather tough and gamey. Have you ever noticed that their eyes move independently of one another? Cows, not ground hogs, we call them wood chucks, ground hogs that is, not cows. You'd think they could see the damn wood chuck hole wouldn't ya.. Sorry, didn't mean to curse.. Actually I did mean to curse, I do it quite frequently, like when I stubbed my toe the other day!! I said some things I wouldn't want to repeat here.. Aw what the hell, I said, "dammit that hurts, who left that son of a bitch of a box in the hall anyway".Actually it was me that left the box there, but I couldn't think of anything else to say. Pain in my little toe and all. That's my least favorite toe to stub, (the little one), it hurts something terrible. Not that I particularly like stubbing any of my other toes!! It beats banging your head though!! I can tell you that!! But then you know I can tell you that because I just did!! I can't remember what was in that fargin box, damn thing, but it sure as hell was heavy,
Oh well I really don't know if this interview thing is a good idea?I've read a lot of your interviews, and most of those people are interesting blokes.I'm really kind of shy, and don't have much to say!!My blog is really kind of boring, because I tried for once in my life to be serious about something. Not a pretty sight?And I really have nothing to wear!!How much does it pay?JRPS I lurk around your blog frequently, and think it's great, so on a couple of conditions, I might consider doing the interview.
1)That you give me your endorsement for my presidential run. I know your from Britain and all, so it won't do me much good, but maybe we could forge a realationship like Tony Blair and George Bush, what a dynamic duo!! What was Blair thinking? Did W threaten him or something??
2) Straighten out the money matter.We're really not that far apart, I'm sure we can get together.JR

Anyway, anybody interrested in supporting me in a run for president, leave me a note.
It better be homourus, or I will stalk you, and commit random acts of weirdness all over your blog. I will find you, the blogosphere isn't big enough for you to hide. If, and it is a mighty big if, I by some twist of weired circumstance, become president, and I'm not preoccupied with world problems, like finding weapons of mass destruction in Canada, I will have the Armed Forces invade your home town.
I will be the DECIDER.
Sleep tight.
JRMD aka Leo Lipshidtz


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  2. There are weapons of mass destruction in Canada? Geez thats a lot closer then Iraq. Do you think they have the rocket capability to get it over the boarder or maybe they will just catapult it over. They probablly are sick of us arrogant Americans going to live there. I wonder if I go live there if I will get free health care and cheeper meds. Anyways if I do go to live there at least I will be missing the impending mass destruction, but wait if I do go there I will end up in a country that would be on the all mighty Bushes attack list and then it wont be very nice to live with all that fighting.
    Well anyways I guess you got my vote because we all know its hard voting for these paid for politicians. Kind of like paid for T.V. I guess. If its paid for and its on T.V. you know you are going to be watching some bull someone else wants to watch. I kind of wish you could just switch the channel with these presidents and the candidates we keep getting force fed because the common man could'nt even bother running because he isn't rich enough or doesn't know some rich people who want something once he is elected. I wonder if I sent George Bush like $100,000 if I could sleep in a bed Lincoln slept in? One thing though I would want it to include one of his daughters. I am sure though I would have to pay a little more then $100,000 for that but for the right price I bet George might Git-er-done. Is that how they say it in Texas? He should go back there and start his own country maybe we could all go there looking for W.M.D. and a tyrant to hang because that has sure changed a hell of a lot. Common we are trying to fix a place where they couldn't even hang a guy right. Anyways blah blah you got my vote. Kind of like that year I voted for Ross Perot because he seemed like the most qualified ass. But then again he wasn't a Democrat. Maybe your party symbol could be that friendly cow. Could you make it one that isn't genetically altered or hopped up on a bunch of chemicals. Because I think those hamburgers aren't doing any of us any favors.

  3. From yuor response I get that George Bush is a pimp, I am an ass, there are weapons of mass destruction in Tecsass, you'd like a shot a bedding in with Jenna or Barbera, in Lincolns bed, you want cheap meds, you hate Canada, and think we ought to invade it next, but that you will back my campaign.
    Oh yeah, and you think my party symbol ought to be a cow.
    Sometimes you people who respond realy piss me off.
    What gives you the right to tell me what my party symbol should be?
    I do like cows!
    But I was leaning toward the woodchuck..
    I was kinda hoping Puxatawny Phil would act up today, maybe bite his handler or something, so he'd lose that gig. Then I could get him cheap. He didn't though.
    Anyway, I wouldn't worry to much about my party symbol just yet.
    Thanks for responding though.