I ran out of naty light
So I switched to Captain Morgans
I’m out of coke
That’s no joke
So I’ll drink it straight
And hope I don’t ruin no internal organs.
Actually, I switched to Dewars on the rocks, but that doesn’t rhyme with organs.
I know Suzy, it should be ruin any internal organs, spell check pointed that out.
I’m writing it off to poetic justice.
That and my give a shit attitude.
Anyway, you know it’s been a shitty day in Cow Hampshire when I start writing poetry!!!!
Limericks are a different story.
There was a cave man named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in his cave
He said with flit, I’m a bit of a shit
but think of the money I save.
Truthfuly it was a beautiful day here in Cow Hampsha, until it started raining!
But that’s just the way it goes here.
If you’ve never been to New England, it’s hard to explain. The saying,” if you don’t like the weather, wait a minute”, sums it up quite nicely.
I had a half ton pick up, but I had to go out and by a one ton.
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My old half ton couldn’t hold up to the tailgating parties.
I told sis she had to cut back on the donuts, but she doesn’t listen well.
Anyway, I got her a membership at the gym.
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That didn’t last long though. The owner got sick of her burning up treadmills and elliptical striders, and tore up her card. Prick wanted me to pay for damages. Said it was my fault because I bought her the membership.
She was a lot of fun to have around though. I’m really going to miss her.
She was at the county fair with some smart ass friends. I guess they got into the Mikes Hard Cider, and got the bright idea to put her up to bungee jumping. The bungee guy said he’d never seen a cord stretch so far without breaking.
I guess sis probably didn’t find any value in that.
Heres a picture the police took
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On the bright side, I can go back to the half ton. That one ton didn’t ride for shit.
Oh yeah, sis’s boy friend got over it quickly.
He’s the pip squeek on the right.
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We always called him a four eyed retard. Never knew he was gay!!
But then, I never new they made Joe Boxers that big either.
I guess there really is someone for everyone.
JR
got shtein?
ReplyDeleteorgans.
fat bungee splattered peeps.
hey...
... this site is getting better!
B-D
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Splattered peeps? Yuo should see the firemen that tried to catch her.
ReplyDelete